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Front: Jean Rasmusen Droste, Donna Colado,
Second Row: Carol Dotseth, Ann Cragg
Third Row: Shirley Culbert, Sharon Lopatka, Hallie Lemon |
Editor’s Note: The
following article, titled “Women’s Support Groups Within and Outside the
Academy,” is the first section of a scripted dialogue that was presented
by eight members of Monmouth College’s class of 1963 on April 2 at the
annual Conference on College Composition and Communication (CCCC).
Present at the conference were Hallie Simpson Lemon, Daryl Gillespie
Beadle, Mary Hunter Bivens, Donna Bullard Colado, Ann Stewart Cragg,
Shirl Service Culbert, Carol Clark Dotseth and Sharon Irvine Lopatka.
The ninth member of the group is Jean Rasmusen Droste. Lemon provided
the following narrative:
In the fall of 1959, nine young women joined the freshman class at
Monmouth College. We all roomed in McMichael Dorm with a housemother and
(a 7:30 p.m. curfew) during the week. We ate dinners family-style with
the other college women around large tables in the basement of that
dorm. I honestly don’t remember if there were locks on our doors, but we
spent our time in each other’s rooms or in the halls chatting. Some of
us roomed together; seven of us were among the first senior women to
live off-campus in the Honors House when dorm space became scarce.
Through the years we have had individual adventures: Daryl and Shirl
made the grand tour of Europe in the summer of 1964 as did Jean and I;
Sharon and our families visited in each other’s homes; Donna and Shirl
participated in the Department of Defense overseas teaching program. In
2003, with Shirl’s prompting we began a new series of adventures
together when we started to gather at the sites of my Convention of
College Composition and Communication. We came from eight different
states and widely disparate life experiences since our graduation in
1963. Our bond formed as undergraduates has remained strong, but I
became curious about the other types of support groups we have formed
for ourselves in those 45 years and submitted a proposal to the Feminist
Workshop at 2008’s CCCC in New Orleans .
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Left to Right: Shirley Service Culbert, Daryl Gillespie Beadle, Carol Clark Dotseth, Sharon Irvine Lopatka, Hallie Simpson Lemon, Ann Stewart Cragg, Donna Bullard Colado, Mary Hunter Bivens
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I began my inquiry by
trying to understand how we defined a support group, specifically a
feminist support group. I mentioned that the groups did not have to
define themselves as feminist and that they didn’t necessarily have to
consist only of women. Mine, for example, has four husbands in our group
of ten. Ann’s group of ten people consisted of both men and women. Only
one of the nine of us actually mentioned the general hostility to the
term “feminist” that is so prevalent in the general population. Carol
noted, “I/we do not use the word feminist. It has a rather antagonistic
connotation for me. That said, I believe a group that is aware of issues
that affect women and the treatment of women would constitute a feminist
support group.” Shirl’s opinion was that the term “related more to
working gals. In the world of men, there are many gals who need to stick
together and support each other in relation to job opportunities, pay
scale, time off, abuse, etc. This support is often vital and far
reaching and becomes in time support at home and/or socially as well.”
Sharon also mentioned a common interest: “a cross section of gals
probably brought together to share a common interest and from there
develop into a group that can share confidences.”
Mary mentioned that members of a support
group “may not know each other” but “provide physical or emotional help
to others. In other words,” she says,” it’s a new name for family,
friends, neighbors and community organizations.” Both Donna and Mary
believed when the word, “feminist” is added, that the concept of
empowering women enters the definition; as Donna wrote, “a feminist
support group is a group whose core bond is women’s rights and
interests.”
Daryl,
our dermatologist, defines her group of three as a feminist support
group because it supports her as a woman. “I suppose a male could be
part of such a group if the end result were the same but it would be
difficult. From September 1963, when I entered medical school until June
30, 2006, I was surrounded by men, especially in the early years. Some
of these guys became good friends of mine, but there was always somewhat
of a distance … So many barriers came into play that needed to be broken
down to get an eye-to-eye understanding – spouses, girlfriends, coming
from different places as male or female. When you get to the end of your
spiel and say, ‘Do you understand what I’m saying?’, in a
female-to-female relationship you can get an unqualified ‘Yes,’ and
instinctively know it is sincere. In a female-to-male relationship the
response is more often, ‘Yes, but ….’”
Last year on our excursion to Jean’s condo
on the Oregon coast, we decided we needed a name for ourselves and
settled on the Kool Dames; after all, how many other retirees would get
such a kick out of racing a dune buggy over the sand dunes on the coast?
After we left Monmouth College, the Kool Dames maintained contact over
the years, some, as I indicated earlier, closer than others. Donna
wrote, “First and foremost, members of this group are part of my history
and help define the four years I spent at Monmouth.” Carol also
mentioned the value of reconnecting “with people who knew you very well
at a very defining point in your life.” Sharon “remembers all nine of us
in the halls of McMichael. All being so naďve (at least I was) and
coming together from such different backgrounds. But we all bonded
across sorority lines since there weren’t separate houses. I’d love to
relive those times in the dorms after 7:30 hours.” Mary remembered
support was always there from roommates and housemates. “I don’t
remember the academic atmosphere as being ‘cutthroat’ or competitive, so
the study atmosphere in the dorms was a safe one. There were never areas
of study that we as women were not smart enough to pursue. That went for
the faculty, too; the chemistry department was very supportive of me.”
Donna noted “Shirl and I continued
supporting each other following college through our first teaching jobs,
our application and acceptance into the DoD (Department of Defense)
overseas teaching program, participating in her wedding in Southern
Japan, acting as godmother to my first child, traveling together and
just keeping in touch over the years.” Shirl also acknowledged that
close bond: “I’ve depended on Donna for advice but know that I would
receive help from the others as well. I was patched right through to
Daryl when there was a medical decision to be made.”
Shirl talks about the way
the Kool Dames have supported each other more as “good listeners” and in
an advisory capacity. Ann feels one of the best things about our group
“is that we can talk about our lives, not just reminisce about things
that happened in college. It is amazing to me that the group of us, from
all over the country still gets together regularly … I think any of us
could share just about anything with members of the Kool Dames.” Carol
added, “It’s great to know that the support is always there from this
group – rock solid.”
Daryl is amazed and
delighted that after all these years “when we do get together, it is
like no time has passed. We don’t need that little warm-up period in
getting to know each other again. Also, it is a group where I think we
all feel secure in the friendship with each other so we can express
ourselves easily. We also never had a member who wanted to one up to the
others by bragging about accomplishments of herself or her family. I
think this scenario reflects a weakness in a group in that (a member of
the) group can be made to feel intimidated. Instead we can discuss
various accomplishments with acceptance from the group and also support.
I think this shows the strength of our group.” And I would add that we
can say things to each other that might be awkward to say to people we
see every day. So, in our recent get-togethers, this group of Kool Dames
has formed another valuable type of support for each other.
These members of the Class
of ’63 are having a wonderful time visiting New York (2003), San
Francisco (2005), Chicago (2006), Portland and the Oregon coast (2007)
and New Orleans (2008) and renewing our bond now that our children are
grown and we’ve all retired. But what other ways did we find to support
ourselves in the intervening years? What was amazing was that all nine
of us have found different ways of developing support groups. When our
proposal was accepted, we put together a scripted dialogue where eight
of us (Jean couldn’t make it) read our own words and presented the
dialogue at the Conference on College Composition and Communication in
New Orleans, La., April 2, 2008.
Even though the audience
was quite appreciative, the main benefit was to the eight of us who
participated as we reflected back on our lives since leaving Monmouth
College. As we described the various types of support groups we had
formed over the years, we realized that our stories represented those of
women of our generation. Our lives have not exactly turned out the way
we expected when we met each other in that fall of 1959, yet we have
found along the way strong women and a few strong men to support us as
we struggled with problems we couldn’t have imagined so long ago. What
we hope for the current generation of Monmouth College graduates is that
they will develop the same types of support for themselves.
