The Movie Guru

by Brandon Athey
Features Editor

I was recently looking for upcoming campus events to place in the Scotslife section of the newspaper and I began to realize that when fall rolls around, the amount of activities to do at MC dwindles considerably. Other than Homecoming in a few weeks, there isn’t too much to do on the weekends, causing many to either go home at the end of the week or suffer from incredible boredom. As a result of this realization, I started to think of fun things for MC students to do to occupy their free time. I hope my suggestions not only entertain, but give you, my loyal readers, something to do instead of staring at the ceiling or doing homework (not fun!).

One obvious suggestion that came to me for something fun to do is a good way to pass the time, albeit it is an unusual one. MC students are in the middle of rural farm country, providing them with ample opportunities for cow tipping. Although it is more common among the Southern region of the U.S. and country music fans (I can see the hate mail coming in now…), cow tipping is a fun recreational activity and is a possible contending sport for inclusion in the next Olympics. Yes, MC students, don your trucker hats and let the mooing begin. While it may not be the safest or cleanest sport around (watch out for angry farmers with shotguns and brown stuff that likely isn’t mud), cow tipping provides a great workout and a way to spend time in the great outdoors. Who knows? Maybe by tipping a few cows, you may become the next Olympic athlete to appear on a Wheaties box.

Another dilemma presents itself during the month of October. Halloween is coming soon and you’ve seen every Jason and Freddy movie and you’re tired of the lame boob-less, bloodless PG-13 snorefests that Hollywood has been offering up lately. You want a scary movie with gratuitous nudity and violence and you want it NOW! Never fear, the Movie Guru is here to offer a way to find alternatives to this ghastly problem. Elite Entertainment (www.elitedisc.com) and Anchor Bay Entertainment (www.anchorbayentertainment.com) are great places to search for obscure titles you would be hard pressed to find anywhere else. Titles range from the definitive DVD edition of George A. Romero’s “Night of the Living Dead” (Elite’s THX-approved Millennium Edition is guaranteed to give fans a zombiegasm) to cult classics like “Re-Animator” (Elite) and Sam Raimi’s “Evil Dead” trilogy (Anchor Bay).

But wait, the fun doesn’t stop there. Both sites feature some truly off-the-wall flicks, like 1981’s “Strange Behavior,” which happens to be set in Galesburg (but filmed in New Zealand) and features teens whose minds are controlled by a mad scientist! Anchor Bay has been releasing some cool box sets lately, like the various themed Fright Packs, which feature six horror DVDs and resemble a six pack of beer. The themes of these box sets range from the usual everyday demonic possession (ho-hum) to camp classics to zombies to “Man’s Worst Friends,” which features such schlock classics as “Rats” and “Parasite,” starring Demi Moore in her film debut. The best part about these sets is that, while the movies may not be the greatest, they are fun, are packaged very creatively, and are currently going for around $18 on amazon.com. In other words, even if you do not like all the movies in the set, you are only paying $3 a movie!

Elite also offers some oddball cult flicks and drive-in B-movies that are unavailable anywhere else. I mean, where else can movie fans find “Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter” and “The Double-D Avenger” (I swear I’m not making this one up!)? Another place to look for some offbeat titles is the distributor Troma, makers of such grade-Z epics like “The Toxic Avenger” and “Chopper Chicks in Zombietown” (featuring Billy Bob Thornton!).             However, if you like your horror and sci-fi to be a little more serious, Universal has recently released a cool box set with some classic and semi-obscure Hammer horror flicks like “Kiss of the Vampire” and “Curse of the Werewolf.” I feel that these above titles will steer you out of the ordinary “Scream”-like films that you have seen a thousand times and will provide you, my readers, with thrills, chills, spills, and a few hours of mindless entertainment. And isn’t that all everybody wants during October in Monmouth?