The Bronze Turkey Speaks Out

Gobble, gobble MC football fans! No, it’s not Thanksgiving just yet, but I, the Bronze Turkey of Turkey Bowl fame, have been asked to give Courier readers a unique perspective of the MC-Knox rivalry and Saturday’s upcoming game. 

First off, I think it is a great idea to donate turkeys to the winner’s food bank, but do they really have to donate turkeys? Why not ham? Or how about venison? Even veal would be nice. I’m tired of turkeys being exploited as food. It is one thing to be used as a trophy, but to be used as a source of sustenance following the game is just barbaric. I would even suggest chicken, but it’s also a bird and that would be like cannibalism. The chicken is one of my homies for crying out loud.

Another thing: I know this rivalry has existed since 1888 and the first bronze turkey was handed out on Thanksgiving, 1928, but could they have picked another object for the statue? I know the statue ties with the whole “Turkey Day” motif, but why not a bronze football? Or how about the bronze beer bottle, to commemorate the after-game celebration? I mean, show turkeys everywhere a little more respect. Did you know the turkey was the original symbol for our great nation and not that suck-up, the Bald Eagle? If Ben Franklin had his way and not that idiotic follicle-challenged overachiever, I would be the nation’s symbol. But nooooooooo, I’m stuck being exploited every Thanksgiving as a ridiculous float in the Macy’s parade, and the Bald Eagle gets all the glory. Sorry…I got off topic there. Back to my original purpose…go watch MC defeat Knox this Saturday and take me, the Bronze Turkey home with them! And remember, be kind to turkeys!