Reality Check: Fury on ‘Flavor’

By: Kyle Christensen
Features Editor

“The Amazing Race 10”:

Praise Allah! Finally, the CBS “international adventure of a lifetime” has brought us the competition’s first Indian-American team…and promptly ejected them in the opening episode. Granted, Vipul and Arti aren’t exactly the essence of television greatness, but at least their departure wasn’t as rejoiced by viewers as that of best friends Bilal and Sa’eed, who fell victim to the show’s first in a series of surprise twists, getting cut at the initial player checkpoint. Maybe it was the 50 pounds of facial hair that should have grazed the roots of their egg-shaped bald heads, which drove us over the edge. Maybe it was their tendency to rarely speak a word of English during their car rides (let’s save the subtitles for the foreign film festivals, not the primetime line-up). Or maybe it was that dumbfounded, clueless look on their faces as host Phil Keoghan delivered the unpleasant news of their elimination. Whatever the case, they couldn’t have exited fast enough.

“Flavor of Love 2”:

Now that notorious vixen New York is back to spice up the happenings on this shockingly dull search for rapper Flava Flav’s perfect piece of trailer park trash, the girls are suddenly a lot more paranoid…and, as a result, much more physically aggressive. Yet this time around, it isn’t New York who is the catalyst for such animosity. (Does this mean no repeat occurrences like last year’s spit heard ‘round the world?!) Rather calm-and-collected Buckeey finally snapped, teaching Krazy a lesson about gossiping behind her back by nearly pushing the chain-smoking temptress over the balcony of Flav’s love mansion. When she didn’t receive a clock at the next night’s ceremony, Flav claimed that it was her violent temper that prevented her from becoming his mate. Four ladies remain, but the volume in their catfights hasn’t decreased one bit.

Last Thursday on “Survivor: Cook Islands”:

Weeks of buzz over the latest edition of “Survivor,” which separated 20 contestants into teams defined by their ethnicity (African-American, Hispanic-American, Caucasian, and Asian-American) finally fizzled out when the big premiere rolled around and we’d all run out of offensive racial jokes to make during the commercial breaks. The African-Americans lost the inaugural Immunity Challenge (somewhere the Rev. Jesse Jackson is experiencing a nervous twitch), forcing them to extinguish the torch of Sekou, the jazz musician from Los Angeles, in a 3-2 vote. Meanwhile, on the Asian side of the beach, nail salon manager Cao Boi (pronounced “cowboy,” no joke) practiced his alternative Vietnamese methods of medicinal healing, tending to a fellow castaway’s migraine by placing a long red scratch on his forehead. Are you still following me here? Honestly, a simple Advil would have sufficed. But wait a second, don’t chicks dig scars? Claw away, my good man.

Underdog of the Week- Jerry Springer on “Dancing With the Stars”:

With two left feet (metaphorically speaking), no rhythm, a lack of coordination and an Australian partner who seems to expect everything under the sun from him, Jerry Springer has the entire package working against him, making his spot in the Top 9 a downright miracle. If he were to make it to the finish line, I might give him some polite applause, and then throw a chair afterwards so he could feel in his element again.