Reality Check: ‘I Love New York’- Real vs. Chance 

By: Kyle Christensen
Features Editor

The freakshow that is VH1’s “I Love New York” has lost one of its more beloved roadside attractions of a contestant, as Mr. Boston, the quintessential whitebread player wannabe, was dismissed at the most recent elimination ceremony, leaving only five suitors left for her royal highness New York to select as her mate. In what could be argued as the most perverse dating show ever to meet the small screen (even arguably harder to swallow than its sensationalized predecessor, “Flavor of Love”), the first season has provided its extravagantly high, and equally devastatingly lowbrow, moments, but the strength of each episode has been in the absurdity of these debauched hunks themselves. Nevertheless, some viewers may have forgotten over the past few weeks that, while a majority of the men left standing are new acquaintances/arch nemeses, not all of the guys are complete strangers to one another. In the mix with Whiteboy, 12 Pack and Tango, are Real and Chance, two actual blood brothers who, for the most part, have kept any form of sibling rivalry under wraps as they have endeavored to woo their hostess. Still, we’re only a few cuts away from a winner finally being revealed, and inevitably one will have to prove victorious over the other (after all, even if neither is chose, one obviously is bound to hang in there for an intoxicated schmooze for a little bit longer). Side-by-side, here’s how the brothas like no othas seem to compare.

Real- Granted, his name is probably the most appropriate for his personality. He is the only contestant that has not attempted to fit himself into any bland stereotype (a la the obnoxious jock, the obliviously nerdy dope, the aspiring rap artist, or whatever other profile you may find on one of these reality showcases), but perhaps that sheer character-less, boring attitude could be his downfall. He is not quiet as a mouse, but he doesn’t make a lot of noise for his voice and semi-interesting remarks to be heard. He has a style that’s all his own, but not that certain spark to make him stand out in the crowd. Real has done well to fly under the radar thus far, but unless he starts to open his mouth a little bit more (or at least draw attention to himself from the other camera-hogging contenders), he may as well just pack his bags faster than New York can light her next cigarette.

Chance- Dear ole Chance is probably the man that is most compatible to what New York demands in a partner…and that is a dirty shame. Keep in mind that our voluptuous vixen (one might also substitute “vomitous” into that alliterate description) once sought the affection of has-been hip-hop icon Flava Flav, so it’s not as if her standards are too high. Let’s look at some of the ideal criteria for her boy toys: 1) an obnoxious thug lifestyle and ignorance toward the proper English language- CHECK!; 2) a self-centered value system and constantly flapping jaw- CHECK!; 3) and, of course, a certain ruffian conduct that enrages her mother, Sister Patterson, to no end- CHECK—and extra points to Chance for perhaps surpassing Flav in this category! All in all, Chance is the favorite in the brotherly pair to become the man of her dreams, and the urban Cassanova of our nightmares.