Reality Check: The thrill is gone

Sanjaya Malakar not America’s idol: the controversy ends

By: Kyle Christensen
Features Editor

Comedian Dane Cook once proclaimed during one of his famous stand-up routines that whenever there is a car crash in the neighborhood, everyone on the block will always desert whatever chore or activity previously occupied them, frantically run from their homes and unite into a pack of curious onlookers, always desperate to witness the unfortunate (but entertaining) accident and put their two cents into what just took place. Perhaps this caustic narrative demonstrates one of the chief principles which has given reality television its strongest appeal; everyone, whether they care to admit it or not, wants to thrive on conflict and will give almost anything to get only a brief glimpse of the latest train wreck and/or automobile pile-up. Sadly, reality viewers lost one of their dearest dimwitted human catastrophes this week, as “American Idol” was forced to bid adieu to its own resident disaster, one who has surfaced more as a pop culture punching bag than as a promising recording superstar.

There’s no point in beating around the bush, so I might as well start commenting on the man who has been the topic of much heated debate and discussion in offices, classrooms and Internet message boards across the country; Sanjaya Malakar is no longer in the running to become the next “American Idol.” While this columnist is certainly not mourning the loss of this hair-rific and tone deaf 17-year-old from Federal Way, Wash., the elimination of this controversial contender has dwindled the field down to six (consisting of Black Lewis, Chris Richardson, Jordin Sparks, LaKisha Jones, Melinda Doolittle and Phil Stacey), and now a little bit of the show’s ruthlessly deviant fun has been removed from the public view. Judge Simon Cowell has already expressed distaste with a majority of this season’s Top 12, claiming to a few sources they are among some of the worst to have ever competed, so at least when there was nobody to root for, we had darling Sanjaya to root against for the sake of our own bloodlust.

Nevertheless, with Malakar’s departure, there are plenty more young singers to badmouth in the blink of an eye. Consider Chris Richardson, who embarrassingly argued on the “Idol” stage that “nasally” is actually a style of singing and should not be used as a negative remark by critics. Or LaKisha Jones, who served a strong execution of Jennifer Holliday’s “And I Am Telling You” just nine weeks ago but has gone downhill since, culminating with her shrieking and altogether ghastly rendition of Carrie Underwood’s “Jesus Take the Wheel.” Or even Phil Stacey, the bald-headed, “Nosferatu” vampire look-alike who has made near consistent advents in the Bottom Three this year, thus establishing him as potentially the least-deserving withstanding vocalist in the history of the series.

Still, Malakar’s antics will be missed (in some respects), and the nation is consequently bound to suffer, as now his zombie horde of junior high, 13-year-old fans will wander the streets during the darkest hours of the night, distraught over what meaning life holds for them now without the motivation to send in thousands upon thousands of text message votes. Where are the pretty-faced, sappy boy-banders when you actually need them?

Who else got the boot this week?

“The Amazing Race: All-Stars”- No one (A non-elimination leg spared couple Eric and Danielle, who appeared last at the checkpoint, after falling behind best friends Oswald and Danny, beauty queens Dustin and Kandice and cousins Mirna and the medieval attire-donning, karate-chopping, dwarfish “little person that could” Charla.)

“America’s Next Top Model”- Jael ( The free-spirited rebel of the bunch appeared in the Bottom Two for her third and closing round this season, after Tyra Banks and company felt her eccentric, over-the-top personality started to hinder her chances of being taken seriously as a high-fashion model.)

“The Apprentice”- No one (All four remaining contestants, Frank, James, Nicole and Stefani, will compete in the climactic finale, airing this Sunday, April 22 at 9:00 p.m. on NBC.)